One Year

One year ago.
May 16, 2018: "A bone marrow biopsy will confirm it,  but your test results thus far make us 95% certain you have a blood cancer called multiple myeloma."

How do you celebrate the one year anniversary of hearing those words?

You don't. You acknowledge and you reflect. In your reflection, you find grief and loss. Loss of health, loss of the work so loved,  loss of long bike rides with your spouse and golf games with friends. You reflect, and grieve the knowledge that your damaged body doesn't allow you to be the jump-on-the-trampoline or wrestle-on-the-floor grandpa. The grief reaches deep into present life and into the life you had envisioned in the future.

But it isn't all loss and grief.  Not even close!  Reflecting on the past year brings you to places of deep, powerful love.  Love from Kathy who was (and is) unwavering in living her wedding vows, "in sickness and in health."  Unconditional love from children and grandchildren even though you felt completely broken and inadequate. Love from siblings and extended family that kept you rooted.  Prayer-love, visit-love, and encouragement-love from a church, friends, colleagues and even followers on social media.  It has been a year you have known love that is deep and wide.  Love that has helped you keep the faith.

The year has been dominated by medical care, and so there are events for you to reflect on.  Chemotherapy treatments.  Hospital stays.  Vertebroplasties. A stem cell transplant.  Within those you find so much to be thankful for.  There are brilliant doctors and compassionate, super-hero nurses. There is a health care system available to all.  Within that system there is places like the Cross Cancer Institute, filled with the pain of cancer and and yet steeped in the hope and dignity of human life.

In all this reflection, in the grief, in the remembering, in the deep love of family and the support of friends and medical professionals you find the love and care of God.  A God who has allowed you to be angry and uncertain.  A God you cried out to in the dark of many nights, longing to find rest and healing.  This has been a year you have known that even though you have many questions, there is no question that you are a beloved one.  That, above all else is worth celebrating!