Choosing What You Did Not Choose

 Life comes with so many choices. I did not choose cancer. But for most of the four and a half years that followed diagnosis, Kathy and I have tried to choose thankfulness for the good days and gratitude for the good people in them. We’ve tried to have a posture of faith which focuses more on God’s goodness than on the ravages of cancer. We are learning to live and grapple with the difficult questions and doubts that never go away.

Truth be told, however, I’ve had a tough time with that lately. Being well….staying well, is such hard work, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It is getting harder. Right now my will and energy to be a fighter lack zeal and even more so my ability to reflect on how blessed I know that I am. I often feel defeated. I am tired of the battle. There are lots of tears. My Oscar-the-Grouchmeter is red-lining. 

Into that life-draining fog this week came our advent devotions.* The author Skye Jethani spoke about the choices that lay in front of the main characters in the Christmas story. The phrase that smacked me in the face was, “choosing what you did not choose.”  Of course, each year we ponder that notion when it comes to the choice God made in sending Jesus, but much less pondering happens when it comes to the choices of Mary and Joseph. Jethani talks of Mary’s choices this way: “Here’s what we often miss—Gabriel’s message to Mary was that a revolution was coming….Traditionally we celebrate Mary because she willingly accepted the humiliation of being an unwed mother in a culture where that was beyond scandalous, but there was another layer to her courage. When Mary said, “I am the Lord’s servant,” she was not just signing up to be an unwed mother—she was signing up as the first recruit in God’s revolution to turn the world upside down. Mary did not ask to be the mother of Israel’s Savior. She did not seek to overthrow the powers of heaven and earth. But when the Lord announced his plan to Mary, she bravely chose what she did not choose.”

And Joseph? Until the dream, his choice would have been to quietly end his relationship and keep his dignity in tact. Then, Jethani says,: “He went from choosing what was easier to choosing what was harder. Despite his fears, doubts, and concerns, Joseph trusted God. What gave Joseph the faith and courage to make this very hard choice? It was the assurance of God’s presence. While the easier road would be abandoning Mary, Joseph knew on the harder road he would be traveling with God.

“Without this vision of God’s value, when facing a decision we will take the easy path every time, but we will certainly miss the blessing of walking with God. We assume the easy road will be safer, more comfortable, and less risky, but without God there are no safe roads in this world.”
I did not choose cancer. Today, by grace, I choose again to be aware and open to God walking with me. That walk mysteriously includes this cancer which I detest, but to walk with God I choose what I did not choose. I choose to accept the invitation of Emmanuel, God with us! I choose to be part of the revolution.To reflect Christ’s light and life, even in these precious fleeting days. May God give mercy and strength for all of us to walk those paths we did not choose.

Keep the faith!

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*Advent devotions by Skye Jethani, Dec 2022. Subscribe at With God Daily