I replied to a recent comment on this blog that “we all live our lives on a fault line.” Perhaps I should have said, “on multiple fault lines.” Fault lines between lament and joy, between faithfulness and drifting, between hope and despair, between…
Kathy and I have once again, this week, found ourselves squarely on one such fault line. On one side is hope-draining discouragement and on the other side is a reliance on God’s promises. After more than 2 months of advocating and many prayers said by friends and family, I was scheduled to finally begin taking a new, unfunded drug on Feb 23. Not long before my appointment in the treatment room, I received a call that the new drug had not arrived at the cancer centre. A clerical error had been made and it had been decided that I would need to wait another month for Isatuximab to join the chemo battle. Another fault line. One where we experience tremors originating from what we know about how quickly my cancer gains strength.
On this fault line, resentment and assurance grind together, each beckoning us. Looking one way there is a sea of blame, hurt, hopelessness and resignation. Looking the other way there is the quiet water of God’s faithfulness. Once again we are faced with billowing fears and we need to be lifted from the waves by the relentless love that has carried us through similar storms. Our hearts, made fragile by life’s circumstances, need to know the heart of God – a heart that hurts and breaks for us while at the same time offering us rest and shelter in the storm. Like all of you, we stand on a fault line needing to choose. As Ann Voskamp wrote, "It takes courage to listen with our whole heart to the tick of God's timing rather than march to the loud beat of our fears." * May God grant us the courage to listen with our whole heart.
Kathy and I have once again, this week, found ourselves squarely on one such fault line. On one side is hope-draining discouragement and on the other side is a reliance on God’s promises. After more than 2 months of advocating and many prayers said by friends and family, I was scheduled to finally begin taking a new, unfunded drug on Feb 23. Not long before my appointment in the treatment room, I received a call that the new drug had not arrived at the cancer centre. A clerical error had been made and it had been decided that I would need to wait another month for Isatuximab to join the chemo battle. Another fault line. One where we experience tremors originating from what we know about how quickly my cancer gains strength.
On this fault line, resentment and assurance grind together, each beckoning us. Looking one way there is a sea of blame, hurt, hopelessness and resignation. Looking the other way there is the quiet water of God’s faithfulness. Once again we are faced with billowing fears and we need to be lifted from the waves by the relentless love that has carried us through similar storms. Our hearts, made fragile by life’s circumstances, need to know the heart of God – a heart that hurts and breaks for us while at the same time offering us rest and shelter in the storm. Like all of you, we stand on a fault line needing to choose. As Ann Voskamp wrote, "It takes courage to listen with our whole heart to the tick of God's timing rather than march to the loud beat of our fears." * May God grant us the courage to listen with our whole heart.
*The Broken Way, Zondervan Press, 2016, p 62.
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