Attitude and mindset help determine how we experience life. I thought I had the right mindset going into my assessments at the Cross Cancer Institute these last few days. To my surprise, I did not.
Back in 2018, coming off a traumatic diagnosis and a painful hospital stay, entering the Cross symbolized a turning point. Things were going to get better. I had a chance of returning to a new normal that would be good. And that is exactly what unfolded. Almost three years of remission were a treasure, even if the Covid virus altered how we could live them.
This time, walking through the doors of that place where life and death live side be side, where healing and heartache sit in the same waiting room, it was not the same. I did not want to be there. It did not occupy a space of hope in my brain (yet). I was a "well" person entering into the land of the unwell. I was once again adding the words "cancer patient" to my identity descriptors. I didn't want to be a patient. I knew, with the rigours of the clinical trial I was entering, "cancer patient"would be an identity with enough muscle to push the other identities I treasure to the background.
I don't go back to begin treatment until Feb 11.* Between now and then I will pray for a new mindset. A mindset that never lets me forget who I am and Whose I am. A mindset that helps me keep the faith.
Brian
*I am #thankful for your prayers about the many tests we were able to complete Jan 24 and 25. They went well! Amazingly, some tests, due to covid cancellations, were moved forward from future dates so that we can start attacking this cancer a week earlier (Feb 11). An answer to prayer!
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