God's Healing Love

At the exact time when I feel on the edge of self pity

about the news that my life is just good (partial remission) and not great (full remission), we have been jolted by the news that a nephew, half my age, has not responded to multiple treatments as he battles against a more aggressive blood cancer. His physical struggles since diagnosis early this year have been colossal compared to mine. He and his family are faithful followers of God, but that does not lessen how hard it must be for him and for all involved– spouse, young children, siblings, parents and so many more. We will continue to pray for all of them.

It has me thinking again about the differences between being cured and being healed. I am realizing that for me healing is more than gaining full remissions or being cured. Yes, I still want a cure for myself and even more so now for my nephew. But while the cure that we still pray for is in the hands of our all-knowing God, living with cancer  is more like being stubborn clay in the hands of a healing potter. Slowly…

...my ego is being healed of the illusion of being in control of my life. I am learning to number my days. 

...my hearing is becoming more able to tune out the noise that says, “God has abandoned you to cancer,” and  more able to tune in the still small voice that says, “You are my beloved; nothing can separate you from my love; you may still struggle, but I will be there in your broken places.”

...my sight, often reluctantly, is becoming less myopic, making me, at times, able to love and care in a way that exceeds the bounds of my nearsightedness. As I do, I am becoming more and more able to really see something amazing–God’s grace.

...my mind is slowly being purged of lingering elements of the prosperity gospel and I am learning that a flourishing life and terminal cancer are not mutually exclusive.

...my attitude is being transformed. I have lived so much of my life believing I needed to live FOR God, not realizing and being unwilling to admit that God does not need me. God yearns for me to simply live WITH him. To be who I was created to be. To know that the most abundant life is in being aware of Jesus beside me in all things.

...my heart is so… so….so slowly learning to be more still and to know God’s love.

Still, I struggle. 

Healing is a lifelong journey. It is a universal need. One would think that would make it easier, but the news delivered by doctors to a young man is still impossibly hard for a family. Living with a broken body is hard. Healing that requires us to put off our old selves and to put on new selves is hard. Our vision is blurred, our hearing distorted, our egos and minds are our own and our hearts are hard.  May God continue to shape our ears, eyes, egos, minds, attitudes and hearts as we learn to embrace the healing that God wants for us. May we be vessels of God’s healing love for others whose darkness is thick.