Honestly

Let me be honest. I am not yet the person that you may think I am. Many of you, after reading something I have written here, have messaged me with words of support. I can't tell you how encouraging that is for me. Thank you! Often, though, you will say things like, "Your faith is so strong" or "You are an example to us all." Spoiler alert:  it isn't and I'm not. Honestly.

Writing this blog is one of the ways that I can emotionally untangle the threads of the story that I am in. It is an avenue on which I stand tiptoed, straining to catch glimpses that can help me understand all the terrible and beautiful of this tapestry that is daily life. It is in that glimpsing and untangling that God gifts me with aspirations, with hopes. Those graciously given aspirations and hopes along with the unwavering love of the Gift Giver, form the writing that is here. I aspire to trust and have faith. I hope to be thankful for each day. I want to be strong even when I am weak. I desire to confidently trust in the love that God has for me. But I don't do any of those things yet ... not FULLY... so I live and write aspirationally.

My journey is not unique.  I know that some of the other tangled threads in the tapestry are from your lives and that you, like me, are not always sure how those threads are being woven into the bigger beauty. I pray that God gives us all the strength to live aspirationally, to hope unswervingly, to keep our faith in the One who is faithful.

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Update: Five weeks in, we are adjusting to the new treatment protocol and all its effects. Slowly we are falling into step with the new rhythms it dictates and we are #thankful for early indications of the drug's efficacy.